The First Toy Boys Are Given

Being married to a boy and being the mother of 2 boys, I've learned just how obsessed boys are with their penises. I always knew that men were obsessed, I just didn't know how young the obsession started. This will be my post dedicated to the many penis stories. There is no pun intended here, but I'm sure this particular post will lengthen over time as, like I've said, boys are obsessed with their penises. Shawn explains this by saying that the penis is the first toy boys are given, the one that gets played with the most and the one they enjoy forever. Who am I to argue?


The first truly great penis story is from when Nick was about 2 years old. He has just gotten out of the bath and was running around naked. He climbed up and was standing in the bay window on the back of our couch. Not really a problem if he had clothes on, but I'm pretty sure the neighbors don't need to see naked Nick pressed up against the glass in all his naked glory. In an attempt to get Nick to come down without argument, Shawn thinks it's a good idea to say to Nick, "you better get out of that window before a bird thinks your penis is a worm and swoops down and eats it". Now I agree that this would persuade a little boy to climb out of the window. Unlike Shawn, I, however, posses the ability to realize that, in the very near future, we will regret him having said that. Said regret comes in the form of Nick, every time his penis is exposed (think diaper changes) shouting out, "don't eat my penis"! Shawn thought this was hysterical. Shawn was not the one who had to explain this to the teachers at Nick's daycare. Jessica was mortified.

I'm not sure how old Nick was when this one took place, but I would guess between 2 and 3 years old. Again, he was in the bath. I was sitting on the toilet reading a book while he played in the water. This was pretty much my down time for the evening. I heard Nick suck in air with such velocity I was surprised the shower curtain was still in tact. I look over and he has the most fascinated, excited facial expression. Then he speaks. Are you ready for it? It's a good one. He has his sack in his hand and proclaims, "mommy, I finally found it!!! I found my farts!!!" After I caught my breath and stopped laughing it dawned on me, this little discovery probably bought me another year or so before I have to explain what a scrotum really is and what it's for. Bonus!


About a year ago, Nick was taking a bath with another little boy. He was only 3 at the time and I didn't think this would be an issue. Nick is my older son and I'm learning, I really am. I now know that 3 years old is probably too old to bathe with other boys that are not your little brother. I know this because during the bath, Nick looks at the other boy's penis and says, "my penis is bigger than yours". I also now know that the competition starts much younger then I would have ever, ever imagined.


About a month ago Nick and I were hanging out in the playroom. Nick was climbing around on the metal futon that we have down there - something Shawn and I have repeatedly told him not to do. As he's climbing over the arm of the futon, he slips and falls. He falls hard. He smashes his mommy-daddy button right on the metal corner of the arm of the futon. After only a moment of surveying the damage, Nick seems to decide this incident is not worth crying over and goes back to playing (not climbing). I am astounded that he can breath let alone play, so I have to ask, "Nick, are you hurt honey?" He replies, "no mommy, I'm OK." I still cannot believe he's not at least speaking in a higher decibel, he fell really hard. I feel the need to ask outright, "Nick, did you hurt your penis?" He takes an almost superhero like stance, straight back, chest out, and replies, "no mommy, my penis is always prepared!" Prepared for what I'm not quite sure. However, I feel as though a large part of my parental responsibilities have been accomplished so long as it and he continue to be so well prepared!


Recently I was giving Nick and Evan a bath together. Nick pays no attention to Evan's penis, so I thought we were safe. We would have been had it not been for the fact that Evan finally realized that Nick also has a penis. As if in slow motion, I saw in Evan's face the realization that his penis was not the only one in existence. He looks at his, looks at Nick's and then reaches out, Nick unknowing, and grabs onto Nick's package and pulls. This was the first time I ever witnessed a reaction to the 'grab, twist & pull' method of self defense. Granted, Evan, so far as I know, was not defending anything. He seemed to be genuinely curious. Nick took it in stride and simply responded by saying, "don't pull on my penis, you have one of your own. Pull on yours"!