The Beginning

I suppose the next stop on this writing adventure should be the pregnancy/delivery stories. Luckily, since Nick's 4 and Evan's 1 and a half now, I don't remember with too much accuracy, so the stories shouldn't be too graphic.

Nick - We were trying to get pregnant and luckily got pregnant the first month of trying. I can't speak for Shawn, but those TEN months (40 weeks, do the math) of my pregnancy with Nick were amazing to me. I never felt so feminine, attractive, productive, lucky and outright wonderful as I did during those ten months. My body was doing what it was made to do and I loved being a part of it. I was in love with motherhood and it had barely begun. I was outright proud of myself for creating life! I loved going into the doctor's office and hearing his little heart beat and seeing the ultrasounds. I really wasn't even nervous about labor and delivery. I did suddenly realize that, though of knew I loved babies, I wasn't sure I would love a kid or a teenager very much. This made me panic a bit, but I figured there was nothing I could do about it, so I just had to believe that I would love my child no matter how old it got. My cousin and I were both pregnant at the same time and we were due at just about the same time. We found out on the same day that we were both having boys and we announced on the same day that we were both naming our children Nicholas. Funny since there are no Nicholases (is that how you pluralize Nicholas?) in the family, but hey, it's a great name, so I wasn't fighting it. Nick kicked a lot in my belly, but he would never kick for his father. Every time I would tell Shawn to come and feel him kicking, Nick would inevitably stop. Until one day, Nick was practicing somersaults in my womb when Shawn came home from work. I told Shawn he had to come and feel. He had that same 'yeah, like I'm going to feel anything' look on his face. Apparently it had been a long day, so Shawn gave in to my desire for him to try again to feel the baby. He came over to the couch were I was laying down, he laid down himself and put his head on my belly. It was right then that Nick delivered his most powerful to date kick directly into the side of his daddy's head! I just cannot say enough how wonderful it was being pregnant with Nicholas. There was a slight complication towards the end of my pregnancy though. When I was in my 7th month, I fell down a flight of stairs and landed on my back on the bottom step. I thought for sure I broke my back. After a few minutes of being too afraid to move, I finally realized that all my parts still worked and I was fine. I got up, finished getting ready for work and took off for the office. Once I made it to work, co-workers insisted that I call my midwife to tell her that I fell. I did so and she insisted that I go in for a quick exam to make sure everything was OK. Come to find out that I really did start having contractions. Nothing strong enough for me to feel or anything, but enough for them to admit me for observation for a bit. No matter, I got to see another ultrasound and re-confirmed that he was a boy. After a couple hours the contractions eased up and they released me. We were very lucky! I vaguely remember that, at the end of my pregnancy, I was in the early stages of labor for quite some time. I think I walked around at 3 or 4 cm without feeling any contractions or anything. Then, on Shawn's birthday, I called the midwife because I thought my water bag was leaking. I knew it had not fully ruptured, but didn't know how to tell if it was leaking or not. She tells me to come into Labor and Delivery and they'll run a test to see if it's amniotic fluid or not. I get there and she changes her mind. Ya see, Shawn's birthday, February 2nd, was my due date. Since I made it to my due date, she decided not to bother with the test, but to finish rupturing my bag for me and to induce labor. Technically I was already in labor, but she hurried it along for me. I walked into the hospital thinking I was having some test run at about 3:00 in the afternoon. I felt fine for quite some time. At around 5:00 they were asking if I was going to want an epidural or not. I told them I felt fine and asked if they could tell me how much worse it was going to get. A nurse told me I was nowhere near the end and it was going to get much, much worse. I thought that much, much worse deserved an epidural, so I got one. At this point, I have the epidural, but still have not felt too much discomfort. My parents, Diane, Jim and Shawn were all at the hospital with me. Things were going well. Next think I know, they check me and tell me it's time to have a baby. Man, that epidural was wonderful. Still no pain!!! We clear the room, I push for 45 minutes and have a baby. Now, this is my memory of it. Shawn's is entirely different. Ya see, Nick got stuck coming out... and he was blue... and I hemorrhaged really badly. But I felt no pain and Nick is fine, so for me, it seemed like an easy delivery. Nick did get stuck. They had to call in doctors and had some alarm going off outside my room (which scared the shit out of my family waiting outside) because there was some urgency in getting him out because of the blue thing. They did get him out without breaking any bones in him or me. They had to take him over to the warming tray right away because he wasn't transitioning too well, but after a few minutes he was perfect! I remember asking Shawn who he looked like since I couldn't see him too well from across the room. Shawn looked down and him and answered, "Denny Crain". Denny Crain is a character that William Shatner plays on Boston Legal. Shawn, unfortunately, was not joking. Luckily, the nurse that was there with them told me that my baby looked just like his daddy. Whew! Now, this is when it gets iffy for me. Once I delivered the placenta, I started to bleed out - badly. I would not stop bleeding. They injected me with 3 doses of a coagulant and had several nurses doing some sort of Heimlich maneuver to my uterus to get it to close up and stop bleeding. After about 45 minutes or so, I finally did stop bleeding. My hemoglobin went from 16 (yes, it's normally very high) down to 7. I was very anemic. They gave me horse pills of iron supplements to take and tell me I should be fine. Little did we know that I would have an allergic reaction to the iron and break out in hives. Now I'm anemic and on benedryl. Great combo for a first-time, new mommy. All things said, Nick was and still is perfect. We survived our 'simple' delivery and headed home to start our new life together as a family of 3!!!!

Evan's story is more complicated. I'm not sure if it's because he's been more needy since conception, or because everything is more complicated once you have a child - pregnancy of a second child especially. We were trying to have a second baby, so this pregnancy was no surprise. It was quite stressful though. Before we got pregnant with Evan, we suffered a miscarriage at nearly 12-weeks. That was very hard on us, but we grew even closer as a couple while recovering from it. It wasn't but a couple of months later that we were pregnant again. Now, my midwife, who I absolutely adore (especially since she saved my life after Nick's birth) told me to come into the office right away so she could do an ultrasound and show me that everything was perfectly normal with this pregnancy since she knew I would be a nervous wreck after the miscarriage. You know what they say about the best of intentions, right??? Well, I go into the office at about 5 weeks and, after the midwife and a doctor view the ultrasound, I'm told that this pregnancy 'doesn't appear to be viable'. They decide to do blood tests to confirm that I am having another miscarriage. For those of you who have never been through this particular round of hellish blood tests, they draw your blood on day 1, 3 and 5 and compare hormone levels between blood draws. What they're looking for is for the hCG to double every other day (ish). Well, mine more then doubled every other day. This means that my body still thinks it's pregnant with a viable pregnancy. The doctor and midwife are still not willing to accept this because they could not find the baby on ultrasound. They decide to send me to Cooper for the higher tech ultrasound for final confirmation. I go into Cooper and, almost immediately, am shown my baby's heart beat. The tech warns me she's not going to talk for a bit so she can take measurements and whatnot. I'm grateful for the warning because I've learned that the absence of happy chatter during an ultrasound usually indicates that something's wrong. After she's done with her measurements, she assures me that everything appears to be perfect with the baby. We are beyond ecstatic, but are still quite terrified. Why couldn't they find the baby with the first ultrasound? Is s/he not growing properly? Is there something wrong? The only way to know with any certainty was to have an amnio done. After one miscarriage, we decided that the risk of miscarriage was too high to risk. We trusted that, if this baby were meant to be with us, everything would be fine. The rest of my first trimester and second trimester were perfectly normal. Once I was into my third trimester, Evan decided to show me just how uncomfortable he was capable of making me. It started when my alarm went off one morning (yes, Nick used to let me sleep until the alarm went off) and I jumped out of bed to turn it off. I nearly fell on my face because I had no feeling in my left leg. No pain, no discomfort... nothing! After a minute or so everything was fine. I chalked it up to my ginormous self sleeping wrong. I did mention it to my midwife at my next appointment though. She informed me that this was the onset of sciatica. Lovely! Within the next few days, Evan took up residency directly against my cervix and plucked at that sciatic nerve like it were his own personal banjo. My midwife tried to put me out on disability, but I was unwilling because that would take away from the time I could spend at home with him after he was born. That final trimester was so uncomfortable I could hardly walk without feeling like he was going to fall out. The pressure was horrendous. All worth it though because he was still alive and appeared to be perfectly healthy. After loosing the previous pregnancy, then being told that this one didn't appear to be viable, I was willing suffer through whatever I had to in order to ensure we would have a healthy baby. Towards the end of the pregnancy the midwives tried to convince me to have a c-section since Evan was measuring so big and the chaos that went along with Nick's delivery. I would have been willing to do so except for the fact that I would not be allowed to pick up Nick for several weeks afterwards. How was I supposed to bring home a new baby that I could pick up and hold all day long and not pick up Nick? He would never understand. I would do it if I had to, but I preferred not to. We tried to set up an induction for when I hit 39 weeks, thinking Evan would be just about the size Nick was when he was born. The Medical Director did not approve that plan. He said that if the baby were too big, I was to have a c-section. Luckily, my midwife told me to go in for a labor check on December 4th when she was working in Labor and Delivery and she would see if she could find a reason to admit me for induction that wasn't just because the baby was too big. Well, December 4th I showed up for my labor check and sure enough - I was in labor. Who knew? Now, I'm not complaining, but I was apparently already nearly 4 cm and having pretty good contractions every 4 to 5 minutes. No problem with admitting me! She tells me that since everything moved along so quickly with Nick, she wanted everything all set up for me this time. She ordered my epidural and told me that once it was in, she would start me on pitocin to move things along and rupture my water bag. Cool beans!!! We're having a baby!!! Yeah, right up until about 3:45 p.m. I was fine one minute then all of a sudden, it felt like my insides were coming out. Turns out, my epidural wasn't placed right. There's no time to fix it, I'm going to have to do this with no pain medication. Luckily the pain didn't really set in until about 5 minutes before I started pushing. Evan decided to compete with his big brother right from the start. He also got stuck. There was momentary panic about getting him out. They managed to help me get him out (me pushing, them pulling and pushing on my belly) and he was born at 4:14. I remember JoAnn saying to me at one point, 3 more pushes for each contraction and you'll have him out in the next 3 contractions. I quickly did the math and told her in no uncertain terms that I was not pushing 9 more times. I believe he was out after 2 more pushes. I also remember searching the room for Death. I believe I would have gone with Him if it would have ended the suffering that I was feeling. Now, on one hand, I'm very lucky in that I do not feel contractions until I'm pretty far along in my labor and just about ready to push. However, the major down side to that is that my body does not have any way of working up to the horrible pain that those final contractions cause. I'm not saying I had it any better or any worse than anyone else out there - I cannot compare my pain to theirs as I never experienced theirs. I can just say that a huge part of me is glad that I'm unlikely to ever go through that ever again. My midwife did inform me after Evan's birth that, if I have anymore children, she strongly suggests a c-section no matter how much smaller the next one may seem to measure. After a terrifying start to my pregnancy with Evan, an uncomfortable end to the pregnancy and a quick but terribly painful delivery, I was ready to just sit with my new baby and get to know him. I will never forget how wonderful Nick was when he came to meet his new baby brother! Nick really was a great big brother right from the start! He was also quite funny in his inability to understand babies. The day after Evan was born my parents brought Nick back to the hospital for a visit. He sheepishly peeked into the room and then into the bassinet. He looked up at me and asked, "is he big enough to play with me yet?"

He was not big enough to play just then, but it did not take long before Evan was up and running around with Nick. They get along really, really well and care very deeply for one another. They're more than just brothers, they're the best of friends. I can only hope that their relationship remains as strong as it has been through these first 18 months. I really do pity the person who tries to come between them. I'm sure the relationship between the two of them will be at the center of many posts to come!