Empathy of a Four-Year-Old

This past Saturday, I noticed that our cat, Bullet, seemed to be quite sick. I will not go into too many details, but he had lost a significant amount of weight in a very short period of time. I made an emergency vet appointment and took him to see the doctor. During the examination, the vet found that Bullet was not only loosing weight rapidly, but he was also very jaundice and anemic. This most likely pointed towards his liver and/or kidneys not working properly. The vet explained that we had three options: put him to sleep then and there, run hundreds of dollars worth of diagnostic tests or take him home with medication and hope the meds helped. We chose to try the medication. We took him home with steroids, antibiotics, vitamins and an appetite stimulant. Unfortunately, Tuesday night, Bullet passed away in our laps.

Shawn and I decided that we were going to bury him in the woods behind our house like we had with our bearded dragons when they passed away. I think Evan's still too young to understand what was going on. It was after Nick was already asleep when Bullet passed, so we had to tell him today.

Bullet was Shawn's cat before we met, so, although he was OUR cat for the past 10 years, he was SHAWN'S cat even longer. As hard as this was on me, I believe it was harder on Shawn. I offered to be the one to tell Nick so that Shawn wouldn't have to. I wanted to be able to talk to him in the car on the way home, but I wanted to tell him face-to-face before we got into the car. When I went to pick him up from school, I pulled him aside and quickly explained what happened.

Nick was home with me when I noticed that Bullet was sick initially, so I asked if he remembered that Bullet had been sick. He said that he did. I told him that we were not able to get him better and that he died last night. Nick seemed taken back by the abruptness of my statement, but he didn't seem all that sad. That may sound harsh, but this made me happy. Of course I didn't want my son to be sad. I let him run off and play with his friends for a few minutes while I filled the teachers in so they would be prepared if/when Nick brought it up at school.

In the car on the way home Nick told me several times that he was very sad for Bullet. I explained to him that he didn't need to be sad for Bullet, that he was in a better place and no longer stuck inside a sick body. Nick and I have discussed souls before (in his words, a soul is the part that God puts in when a mommy and daddy are making a baby) so I thought he would understand that Bullet's soul went to heaven. He didn't have very many questions, but he did ask why he got sick and what kind of sick he had. The vet thought it might be cancer, but Nick's too young to know what cancer is or to understand the explanation. The last question that he asked me was, "mommy, do you know how you say goodbye to a cat?" I asked, "how?" He responded, "you just pet them on their backs and tell them goodbye." I told him that Bullet would like that very much.

When took Nick out with us for the burial. Nick said that he wanted to pet him and say goodbye. Shawn carried Bullet out to the woods with Nick following behind. We all pet him and I explained to Nick again that Bullet's soul was free to run and play as much as he wanted now and was not trapped inside a sick body anymore. When it came time to actually bury him Shawn and I were noticeably upset and started to cry. That's when my little boy said to Shawn, "Daddy, if you keep crying, you're going to make me cry too."

It melted my heart that Nick was so empathetic towards his daddy that simply hearing him cry would bring Nick to tears as well. I'm sure that Shawn and I will forever miss Bullet. I'm not sure if Nick will remember him in the years to come, but I am sure that the lessons he learned tonight will stay with him for life.