2005 Bath vs. 2010 Bath

In 2005 I was a happily married woman who had not yet experienced the joys of pregnancy or motherhood. My income exceeded my expenses (mostly); aside from my pack-a-day smoking habit, I was in relatively good health; I had a steady career; I had great, life-long friends - all in all, I had a wonderful life. However, I still needed to de-stress from time to time. In those days, when I found the time in my busy schedule for such extravagances, I would pamper myself by way of a relaxing bath. I would fill the tub with water as hot as I could stand it, dump in some bath salts, pour a glass of wine, grab a book and sink in for a nice relaxing soak. This was when I would allow all the stresses of my oh-so-complicated life to melt away. Oh how I loved those baths.

Fast forward to 2010, the word 'bath' has been replaced by the word 'tubby' and it's meaning has all together changed. For example, tonight's bath went something like this:

Mom - "It's tubby time"
Nick - "No! I wanna watch 'Battle Force 5'!"
Evan - "UBBY!!!" screamed while running towards the gate that blocks him from the stairs.

Mom - "come on Nick, you need a bath and Evan's waiting"
Nick - "I'm going up the stairs first!" - at which point he opens the gate that Evan is waiting at, hitting him in the face with it as swings open and then slams it shut, getting Evan's finger caught in it once it's latched closed
Evan - "BOO BOO" whimper "BOO BOO"

Mom - "Nicholas James, get upstairs and calmly wait for me while I take care of your brother!"
Nick - already up in his room using my large circular glass vase as a bowling ball
Evan - "BOO BOO"

Mom - "you got boo boo Evan, here let mommy kiss it better. There, is it better now?"
Evan - "yeah"
Nick - "mom, come look at the new game I invented"
Mom - silent prayers that the house is not somehow on fire

At this point I allow Evan to run up the stairs, he goes directly into the bathroom and tries jumping up over and over again in an attempt to reach the light switch. I'm happy that he's occupied by something other than toilet water. I quickly try to calculate how risky it is to let him jump on the tile floor and decide that his risk of slipping is very low since he's barefoot and let him continue because I don't want to hear the screams of protest. I peek into Nick's room to see the newly invented game involves bowling and the previously referred to circular glass vase. I compliment his creativity but remove the vase from his possession none-the-less and heard him towards the bathroom. I have a new found respect for sheepdogs.

Mom - "who's going to get naked first?"
Nick - already almost naked, "me!"
Evan - climbs into the tub fully dressed and turns on the water.

I get Evan undressed and get his ear plugs in place. Nick decided this is the perfect time to have to poop. Lovely. Nick finishes his business and climbs in.

Nick - "can we have bubbles tonight?"
Mom - "I don't think we have any left, but I'll check"
Evan - "BUBBAS BUBBAS BUBBAS!!!"
Mom - "you're in luck, we have just enough for one last tubby left.

Just as the tub is nearly full, bubbles perfectly spread around both children, I notice a piece of poop floating in the tub. Ugh. At least they haven't pulled out the bath toys yet. I drain the tub, clean the tub and then inform the children they now have to bathe without bubbles. This does not go over well. I try to compensate by giving them the hand pump of dial soap. This distracts them long enough for me to fill the empty bubble container with water, shake it and pour it into the tub. I get enough bubble to satisfy them.

They spend the next few minutes fighting for position in the tub. Apparently the best position in the tub is directly under the faucet. Nick pushes Evan, Evan falls and hits his face on the side of the tub, Evan now wants out of the tub and neither of them have been cleaned. I scoop up a hand full of bubbles and distract Evan from his throbbing cheek by blowing the bubbles out of my hand all over the two of them. They laugh hardily. I scoop up a second handful of bubbles and go to blow them at the kids again, however, Evan beats me to it and blows the bubbles all over my face. They laugh harder.

After I dry myself and the floor I get the soap and washcloth to clean the children. This is mostly uneventful. After they're cleaned I allow them to play (read this as saturate my entire bathroom with bath water) for a few minutes. Now it's time for their sinus rinses. I fill the squeeze bottle with the warm salt water and sneak up behind Evan, wrap my left arm around his head choker-hold style and, with my right hand, gently shoot the salt water up his left nostril. As he is not a fan of water boarding, he breaks free of the choker-hold and moves just enough that I squirt warm salt water into my own right eye. After I dry myself off again, I reverse the position and shoot some more salt water up his right nostril. He again moves. This time the warm salt water goes into my mouth. I don't know why, but knowing this water was meant for my son's nose makes it even more gross in my mouth. I refill the bottle and rinse Nick's sinuses. This is also fairly uneventful as he's been doing this for a while and knows that refusal is futile - best to just get it over with. I pull down the shower head and offer a final rinse off.

Tubby time is over. Both children climb, soaking wet, out of the tub and run into Nick's room. Nick's room is literally only like 5 steps from the bathtub. When I catch up with them Nick is happily, nakedly jumping on his brand new Little Tykes Race Car bed while Evan is down the other end peeing on it.

This is the point when I tell Shawn to pause his video game and get up here to help me. My husband was smart enough to have both children dry and dressed by the time I was done cleaning up the pee from the race car.

5 years later I am still a happily married woman; I have experienced the joys of pregnancy and motherhood; my income barely covers my expenses; I have quit smoking; I am in even better health, but can stand to shed some "baby" weight; my career is not as stable these days, but I feel lucky to still have a job in today's economy; I have far fewer friends, but I know that the ones I have left are the best friends a woman could ask for and I know that I still have an extremely wonderful life.

So, I can honestly say that, although the 2010 bath is far less relaxing and far more chaotic, it is most definitely favored in this house! I do have to admit thought that I would appreciate the 2005 bath much more these days than I ever did 5 years ago.

22 Things

This past weekend Shawn and I went to a wedding in Buffalo, New York. We suckered my parents into watching the boys for us for the weekend. I dropped them off at school Friday morning, packed the car and took off for Upstate New York. My parents picked up the kids Friday at 5:00. I think they regretted agreeing to babysit for us by 6:15.

Below is a word-for-word copy of an e-mail my mother sent me after we returned home...

Things I Have Learned in the Last 3 Days (written at random 'cause my brain does not work right now)

1. I will take a 800 pound black bear over a 16-month-old and a 4-year-old. The bear does not scare me as much as they do.

2. Nick feels like he weighs in at 200 pounds when he climbs in bed with you in the middle of the night. He insists on sleeping on top of you.

3. Evan hates waking up to anyone other then his momma.

4. Evan has broken Jessica's record of throwing a fit. He does not pass out. He just keeps screaming.

5. Nick "hears" only what Nick wants to hear.

6. You can survive on chicken McNuggets, bread with butter and cheese sandwiches.

7. You can watch the same tv shows over and over and NOT have a breakdown. At least I think I didn't. I am still hearing "voices" so I am not so sure.

8. Nick is a smooth talker. He can make you feel guilty like a pro.

9. Divide to conquer. You may survive if you split them up.

10. If Nick is playing with something Evan will want it. See number 4 above.

11. Outside or inside does not matter, you can ALWAYS find something to climb on to give Pop Pop a fit.

12. Four-year-olds have a very short memory.

13. Sixteen-month-olds know more then they let on.

14. If a tv show is on, and they are actually watching it, don't even try to ask a question.

15. Frank says if he keeps his eyes closed he can survive anything Nick does.

16. It helps to know where the clean clothes are stored.

17. The "mother's voice" still works when you finally loose your patience.

18. Babysitting is like an episode of Star Trek. Time slows down, but aging does not.

19. If there is a stick, broom or anything that can put an eye out, Evan will want to play with it. See number 4 above.

20. Our hearts are willing, but the bodies can't handle it.

21. If you want to keep Nick occupied, take him to a book store. He will ignore the books, but play with the Thomas the Tank display for hours.

22. Evan's "Damian Face" does not bother Nick at all. We on the other hand know what's coming. See number 4 above.

Glad you guys had a good time. Keep that memory alive as we will NEED an extended recovery time period. LOL

When we got home last night dad said, "do you hear that?" I said, "hear what?" He said, "exactly." The he asked me if I wanted to watch Wow Wow Wubsy or Hot Wheels Battle Force 5. Of course I passed on both, then we went right to BED. The Upside Down Show was in my dreams....

Disclaimer: No beating/spankings where handed out to children during this event. However, they spanked us good!

P.S. We have filed a copy of this for future reference in the event we are asked to do this again in the near future!

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Now, we did have an amazing time at the wedding, then we headed north to visit Niagra Falls for a couple hours before heading home. I don't know if my parents know just how much we needed and appreciated the weekend alone, but I do know that I'm never going to be able to thank them enough. Shawn and I were able to be 'just us' again for the first time in a very long time. We were able to remember how much we love each other and we were able to re-charge ourselves so we have a better chance at keeping up with our children.

Here's to Eric and Andrea - may they be as happy together and Shawn and I are! I'd also like to send some Best Wishes their way for the upcoming birth of their son, Cooper! If any two people I know deserve to find happiness, it's them!!!

So, what do you think the chances are I'll be able to convince my folks to watch the kids so we can go out for our anniversary next weekend? Yeah, I'm betting slim to none.

We're going to the chapel...

I have no idea why, but the other day I decided it was a good idea to ask Nicholas if mommy and daddy should have another baby. He said that we should. I asked if he would prefer this hypothetical baby be a boy or a girl. He said girl. I asked what he would like us to name her. He said 'B' (I'm keeping the full name out of this entry for the privacy of the little girl he's referring to). B is the name of his girlfriend in school. I asked him why he would want to name his sister B. He explains, "when I marry my B, Evan can marry the new B." Interesting way to keep your little brother from stealing your girlfriends, but I see an issue here. I explain to him that brothers and sisters cannot get married. He innocently asked me why. I tell him, "because we don't live in West Virginia." He says (and I'm going to have to spell phonetically here), "why does it matter if we're in Ver-jine-er or not?"

The conversation ended there as I was laughing too hard to respond at that point.

Pillow Talk

My nearly-20-month-old is at that stage where children start to mimic all kinds of words. I say, "Evan, say banana." He responds, "na-na." Nick says, "no Evan!" He responds, "no ni-na." Shawn says, "damn it!" He responds, "nah nit!" The only thing that he will not, under any circumstance, repeat is, "love you". I lie, he did say it once... to my mother! Therefore, I say it doesn't count and it was just a fluke. Otherwise, I really do enjoy this stage. He's becoming far less frustrated because he's able to communicate better. We're better able to know what he wants or needs. This is a win-win all around.

This past Saturday Shawn had to work and my folks were up in the mountains. I was home alone with the boys. We had a lovely morning out yard-sale hopping (my grandmother would have been so proud, I got a lovely picnic basket, red plaid blanket and all, for $2) and visiting with a friend and her baby. I stopped for happy meals on the way home and survived through lunch with no major melt downs. I really am getting good at this mommy stuff.

Anyway, lunch is over and we're preparing for nap time. This is when I'm braced for my worst battles of the day. Mommy vs. 2 over-tired children who are in denial about how tired they truly are. Mommy will win this battle, the question usually is, at what cost. I am a big fan of warning children prior to whatever horrible fate awaits them (ie, we're leaving the park in 5 minutes, yes you're getting a needle but it will only hurt for a second and the like). This particular Saturday I give them the 5 minute warning and get no response. I believe it's because they're far too engrossed in Hot Wheels Battle Force 5 to pay any attention to what I'm saying to them. A minute or so later, Evan wanders over to where I'm sitting on the couch and puts his arms up in the air in the typical 'pick-me-up' way all toddlers do. I picked him up and was shocked when he immediately wrapped his little arms around my neck and said, "ahhh ohhh" (which sounded a lot like Love You!!!!). My heart melted and I decided in that moment that the children deserved to stay up all afternoon with no nap, all the ice cream and cookies they wanted and we would move their beds out to under the swing set as soon as Shawn came home! My children were the bestest children in the whole world! My little guy just hugged me and told me he loved me!!! It was right after those decisions that I was smacked in the back of the head with the throw pillow that was on top of the couch behind me. Turns out he wasn't hugging me as much as reaching past me to grab the pillow. Also turns out that a nearly-20-month-old saying pillow (or many other 2 syllable phrases) can sound a lot like 'love you' to a mother who desperately wants to hear it.

I s'pose I learned that even a toddler knows he must be missing out on some magical world while sleeping during nap time and, once they learn how to better communicate their needs with their parents, they're also able to communicate how much they don't want to take a nap by smacking their mommy in the back of the head with a pillow. Of course, I changed my tune once I was fully aware of his intentions, decided ice cream and cookies were out of the question, no nap for them meant no relaxation for me and mattresses and swing sets do not mix under any circumstance.

At this point 5 minutes have passed, I straighten my back and announce that 5 minutes are up and it's naptime; catch the over-tired, hyper little men; wrangle them into bed; play relaxing music on their cd player and snuggle into bed myself for a much needed rest. Evan may not have verbally told me that he loved me that afternoon, but the way he rests his hand against my cheek just before passing out told me everything I needed to know.

Fear and Frustration

So, this story may be getting old, but my dear Evan is sick again. This time I got a call yesterday afternoon from the daycare informing me that he has a fever of 103. I run down to get him, call the pediatrician and head into their office. Both doctors look him over and, aside from the fever of 103.3, can't find a thing wrong with him. He's obviously suffering side effects from the fever and is in and out of delirium. As the second doctor came into the room I overheard her asking the first doctor, "... in room 2 is the one you're worried about?" We were in room 2. When she walked in, Evan was laying limp across my lap with his eyes rolling around in his head. It looked like he was trying not to fall asleep (or pass out). He was burning up and totally listless. He was also making this odd sound when he inhaled - like the noise your throat makes when you have a gas bubble stuck or something - and his belly was very distended. He almost looked pregnant. Needless to say, I was terrified. She spent a good deal of time listening to his chest and back and couldn't find any congestion in his lungs. She told me that his heart rate was increased, but that was a side effect from the fever. His eyes, nose, ears and throat were all clear. Basically, aside from the fever (and it's side effects) and a dry cough, he was perfectly healthy. I'm told to treat the fever aggressively and prescribed a cough medicine/decongestant. I explain how worried I am that he keeps getting sick, week after week it's something new. They decide to send him for some blood work.

I'm relieved that he doesn't have some horrible illness and that all the things I was worried about were brought on by the fever, but I'm frustrated that we don't know what's causing the fever or why his immune system seems to be so compromised.

This morning I took him to the lab to have his blood drawn. I tried to rope my mother into going with me so I wasn't alone, but she wasn't going to suffer with me. I did my very best at pretending not to be nervous so he wouldn't pick up on it. Since he's so out of it, it wasn't hard to pull one over on him. I have to say, Quest was wonderful today. I walked in, waited about 2 minutes to be able to sign in, waited another 2 minutes to hear Evan's name called and was immediately called back into a room. I spent more time waiting to sign in than I did having his blood drawn. Evan didn't fight and didn't shed one single tear. They drew 3 vials of blood I think. They're running a CBC, checking his lead count and running one other round of tests that I can't remember. They told me that our doctor should have the reports by Thursday.

Here it is, the end of the day on Tuesday. Another day or two to wait for results that may tell us nothing and no more clear on what's wrong with our little boy. The decongestant has caused a runny nose, but it's clear, so still no sign of infection. His cough is still present, but not as bad. However, it appears to hurt him when he does cough now. Aside from that, and the here and there spiking fever (Motrin and Tylonol seem to be keeping it mostly at bay) he's not acting as sick as yesterday. He is far from himself and very fussy and clingy, but he seems to be past the delirium at this point.

Fingers crossed that we figure this one out, that it's no big deal and that it's the last illness we have to face in this house for a long, long time!

To Sleep or Not To Sleep

So, my dear Nicholas seems to have absolutely no respect for sleep. He never seems to want any of his own - I used to swear he was solar powered as a baby, he never napped for more than 20 minutes - and he really wants to make sure that nobody else gets any.

Every night for the last week or so, he's been getting up about 10-15 minutes before Shawn's alarm goes off and about half an hour before I need to be up. He comes into our room and announces that he has to pee, is thirsty, is hungry, needs to cough, heard the dog having a nightmare, etc. We have tried telling him that he is not allowed to come out of his room until 7:00 or later, he waits for a 7 to appear anywhere on his digital clock (ex. 6:47) and then proceeds to wake us all up. We have explained over and over that he can simply pee, drink or cough as need be and he need not announce his need to. We have told him that, while Murphy may have had a nightmare, he is perfectly capable of going back to sleep without Nick's help. We've even gone as far as to threaten to put a baby gate across his doorway to keep him from waking us up during those last precious moments of sleep. He seems to be willing to go quietly back into his room after he's peed, drank, coughed, etc, but the problem is that, at this point, he's already woken Murphy up. Weather Murphy's had a nightmare or not, once woken up in the morning he does the pee-pee STOMP back and forth across our room. I have no idea how a 40-pound dog paces so loudly, but it could wake the dead - it's that loud. Anywho, no matter, the damage is already done. What's the point of Shawn falling back asleep when he has to be up in 10 minutes anyway. For me, I admit, I'm much like Murphy. Once I'm awake, I have to pee, and I have to do it right away. I'm capable of peeing without stomping though. However, once I'm up and out of bed, I'm awake enough to realize that I only have X amount of minutes before I have to get up. I cannot fall asleep normally, let alone under that kind of pressure. I usually just lay in bed pouting about my lost sleep. Our newest attempt is to not give Nick anything to drink before bed, keep the alarm clock in his room, have him let Murphy out in the morning and keep the threat of being gated into his room looming over his head. Hopefully this will keep him from waking us up. I fear this will only cause him to come into our room and stand silently next to my face waiting for me to feel his presence and wake up (startled) on my own.

He's also not respecting nap time at school anymore. Nicholas causes so much disruption at nap time that the teachers have tried "reward" charts for good behavior at nap time; moving him away from his closest friend; moving him away from all his friend and even moving him out of the room all together. Putting Nicholas in the toddler room for nap proved to do nothing but give him the opportunity to wake up his brother. I've considered that possibility that he's simply outgrown the need for a nap, but I don't think this is the case. He still naps at home on the weekends and, if he goes without, he's cranky all night. The teachers have also found that putting him on his mat under the science table away from his friends allows him to fall asleep almost immediately.

I have no idea how to teach him how important sleep is - if not for himself, then for those around him. I've taught him to eat veggies with little complaint, to use his manner and to share with his brother. He really is an amazingly well behaved (albeit very hyper) 4 1/2-year-old, he just can't grasp this one thing. I guess in the grand scheme of things, it's no big deal. Being somewhat of an insomniac, I just hate giving up those precious final 30 minutes of time I actually could be sleeping each day.

At least the baby seems to be sleeping better these day... now if only he could teach his big brother!

Cleaning up 30,000 pounds... of mashed bananas

The boys in my house were sick again this past week. We've literally had to deal with one sickness or another every week for the last 5 weeks. First, Evan and Nick were both sick with the virus written about in recent posts. Then, when Evan hit 18-months, I took him in for his well-baby check up and shots. The doctor informed me that he had a sinus infection and wouldn't give him his shots. She sent us on our way with a script for the pink stuff and told us to come back in 2 weeks for his shots. The day after he finished his antibiotics, he started with the green snot drip again, so I called the doctor, told her and got a new prescription for stronger antibiotics for him. Within a couple days of him finishing this round of medication, he developed a rash from head to toe. Back to the doctor we go. This time she says that he has a rash (thanks, I knew that, that's why I brought him in) and it's possibly viral. She still will not give him his shots. Tells me to come back in 2 weeks, after this possible virus has run it's course.

Last Sunday Shawn bought a bunch of bananas at the grocery store. Nothing new there, my kids love bananas.

Nick ate one that day. That night, while we're eating dinner, Nick throws up directly onto his dinner plate. Luckily the deeper wells of his Thomas the Tank plate caught the majority of it. It did, however, still put a damper on the rest of our appetites. We gave Nick a bath and cleaned up the table. Before long he was asking to go back downstairs to finish his dinner (I'm thinking he didn't realize where his vomit landed). He seemed fine the rest of the night. We put him to bed with a bucket and that was that. No more vomit, no more sick. Off to school he went the following morning.

Over the next couple of days Evan eats the rest of the bunch of bananas except for the last one.

At some point during the night - Wednesday night/Thursday morning, Shawn is woken up by Evan whimpering. Shawn goes in to check on him to find out that he's thrown up all over his crib. Shawn, being the WONDERFUL father/husband that he is, cleans up the baby, throws a towel over the crib mattress and puts Evan back to sleep. I know nothing of any of this until morning. I told you, Shawn really is wonderful. Evan proceeds to throw up and blow out diapers for the next several days. A call to the doctor informs me that he's probably caught another virus (gee, ya think?!) and to watch for signs of dehydration. By Friday we're getting concerned because he cannot even keep the pedialyte down. This is no good. Shawn's scheduled to work on Saturday and I'm going to be home with a bored-out-of-his-mind Nicholas and a puking-all-over-the-place Evan. My parents are in the mountains and I'm, again, on my own with all this vomiting.

This is where it gets entertaining - to me anyway...

Friday night Shawn comes home from work telling me that he thinks it's the bananas. There was 1 left and he ate it at lunch. "Now, if I get sick too, we know it's the bananas for sure." Yes, I know there are faults in his logic, like the fact that he lives in this germ ridden house right along with us, but I don't think it's worth arguing that fact. I'm too busy trying to plan out how I'm going to entertain Nick while cleaning up after Evan.

At approximately 12:32 a.m. on Saturday, Shawn bolts out of bed and runs to the bathroom. He spends the next couple hours trying to figure out which end should be pointed at the toilet. The rest of the night is spent laid out on the couch praying for sleep. By 7:30 a.m. Shawn has decided to call work and tell them he's going to be in late, he needs some more sleep. By 11:00 a.m. he has acknowledged that he simply cannot safely work, he can't even leave the house. Now, I've been with Shawn for 10 years. In those 10 years, he's only called out of work 3 times - this being the 3rd. I know he's feeling pretty badly to call out of work. He spends the rest of the day whimpering on the couch and sleeping upstairs.

At some point during the morning hours I called Evan's doctor again because I'm worried about dehydration. In the past 24 hours he's only peed 3 times and he's not making real tears. When I relay this information to the doctor, she tells me to take him directly to the emergency room for IV fluids. There is no way Nick can stay home with Shawn and I'm NOT taking both kids to the ER alone. It was bad enough with just Evan last time, I don't want to deal with both of them this time. I ask if there's anything else I can try given the situation. She calls in a prescription for a anti-nausea suppository.

I now believe the way to cure most ailments in most men is to threaten to shove some foreign object up their ass. Without utilizing a single bullet, Evan seems to be on the mend. I'm glad because the side-effects of the medicine seem dangerous (possible shallow breathing which could be fatal in children under 2-years-old).

By Sunday morning all my men seem to be feeling much better. Evan wound up having a bit of a set-back Sunday night. I'm thinking it was from the pizza he ate for lunch. He stayed home from school again Monday, but re-joined his friends yesterday.

The school was very concerned about him while he was sick and they were glad he was able to go back. My boss was just as happy since I was able to re-join the work force. His doctor is relieved he didn't have to go to the hospital. Oddly enough, the only one still complaining is my insurance company who keeps calling to yell at me for skipping his 18-month exam and shots!

Somehow, even though I was caring for and cleaning up after everyone in the house all week, I managed to not get sick this time. Interestingly enough, I was the only one who didn't eat any of the bananas.

Damn bananas!