Fast forward to 2010, the word 'bath' has been replaced by the word 'tubby' and it's meaning has all together changed. For example, tonight's bath went something like this:
Mom - "It's tubby time"
Nick - "No! I wanna watch 'Battle Force 5'!"
Evan - "UBBY!!!" screamed while running towards the gate that blocks him from the stairs.
Mom - "come on Nick, you need a bath and Evan's waiting"
Nick - "I'm going up the stairs first!" - at which point he opens the gate that Evan is waiting at, hitting him in the face with it as swings open and then slams it shut, getting Evan's finger caught in it once it's latched closed
Evan - "BOO BOO" whimper "BOO BOO"
Mom - "Nicholas James, get upstairs and calmly wait for me while I take care of your brother!"
Nick - already up in his room using my large circular glass vase as a bowling ball
Evan - "BOO BOO"
Mom - "you got boo boo Evan, here let mommy kiss it better.
Evan - "yeah"
Nick - "mom, come look at the new game I invented"
Mom - silent prayers that the house is not somehow on fire
At this point I allow Evan to run up the stairs, he goes directly into the bathroom and tries jumping up over and over again in an attempt to reach the light switch. I'm happy that he's occupied by something other than toilet water. I quickly try to calculate how risky it is to let him jump on the tile floor and decide that his risk of slipping is very low since he's barefoot and let him continue because I don't want to hear the screams of protest. I peek into Nick's room to see the newly invented game involves bowling and the previously referred to circular glass vase. I compliment his creativity but remove the vase from his possession none-the-less and heard him towards the bathroom. I have a new found respect for sheepdogs.
Mom - "who's going to get naked first?"
Nick - already almost naked, "me!"
Evan - climbs into the tub fully dressed and turns on the water.
I get Evan undressed and get his ear plugs in place. Nick decided this is the perfect time to have to poop. Lovely. Nick finishes his business and climbs in.
Nick - "can we have bubbles tonight?"
Mom - "I don't think we have any left, but I'll check"
Evan - "BUBBAS BUBBAS BUBBAS!!!"
Mom - "you're in luck, we have just enough for one last tubby left.
Just as the tub is nearly full, bubbles perfectly spread around both children, I notice a piece of poop floating in the tub. Ugh. At least they haven't pulled out the bath toys yet. I drain the tub, clean the tub and then inform the children they now have to bathe without bubbles. This does not go over well. I try to compensate by giving them the hand pump of dial soap. This distracts them long enough for me to fill the empty bubble container with water, shake it and pour it into the tub. I get enough bubble to satisfy them.
They spend the next few minutes fighting for position in the tub. Apparently the best position in the tub is directly under the faucet. Nick pushes Evan, Evan falls and hits his face on the side of the tub, Evan now wants out of the tub and neither of them have been cleaned. I scoop up a hand full of bubbles and distract Evan from his throbbing cheek by blowing the bubbles out of my hand all over the two of them. They laugh hardily. I scoop up a second handful of bubbles and go to blow them at the kids again, however, Evan beats me to it and blows the bubbles all over my face. They laugh harder.
After I dry myself and the floor I get the soap and washcloth to clean the children. This is mostly uneventful. After they're cleaned I allow them to play (read this as saturate my entire bathroom with bath water) for a few minutes. Now it's time for their sinus rinses. I fill the squeeze bottle with the warm salt water and sneak up behind Evan, wrap my left arm around his head choker-hold style and, with my right hand, gently shoot the salt water up his left nostril. As he is not a fan of water boarding, he breaks free of the choker-hold and moves just enough that I squirt warm salt water into my own right eye. After I dry myself off again, I reverse the position and shoot some more salt water up his right nostril. He again moves. This time the warm salt water goes into my mouth. I don't know why, but knowing this water was meant for my son's nose makes it even more gross in my mouth. I refill the bottle and rinse Nick's sinuses. This is also fairly uneventful as he's been doing this for a while and knows that refusal is futile - best to just get it over with. I pull down the shower head and offer a final rinse off.
Tubby time is over. Both children climb, soaking wet, out of the tub and run into Nick's room. Nick's room is literally only like 5 steps from the bathtub. When I catch up with them Nick is happily, nakedly jumping on his brand new Little Tykes Race Car bed while Evan is down the other end peeing on it.
This is the point when I tell Shawn to pause his video game and get up here to help me. My husband was smart enough to have both children dry and dressed by the time I was done cleaning up the pee from the race car.
5 years later I am still a happily married woman; I have experienced the joys of pregnancy and motherhood; my income barely covers my expenses; I have quit smoking; I am in even better health, but can stand to shed some "baby" weight; my career is not as stable these days, but I feel lucky to still have a job in today's economy; I have far fewer friends, but I know that the ones I have left are the best friends a woman could ask for and I know that I still have an extremely wonderful life.
So, I can honestly say that, although the 2010 bath is far less relaxing and far more chaotic, it is most definitely favored in this house! I do have to admit thought that I would appreciate the 2005 bath much more these days than I ever did 5 years ago.
